Friday, February 5, 2010
aN aBsuRd Dream ThaT i sAw laSt nIgHt
On the very first sight of him,something in him just caught my sight........
i could not take my eyes off him.He had a very ordinary face ....not that smart,one of those walking in a crowd.I don't know which element of him appealed me so much.suddenly he turned and his eyes met mine.....my reflex action was so fast, i turned at once as if i had never even looked at him.WHAT WAS IT I WAS BEING ATTRACTED TO.......................i didn't know.i watched him walking and it struck me.The manner he walked ,with his head held high always,the conceit in his manner,THE PRIDEFUL MANNER . i could not help but thinking about him...the feeling was definitely not love or infatuation......because love as it is said love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;
it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end.
There are three things that last, faith, hope and love
and the greatest of these is love.
but the feeling i experienced was a sudden caprice rising , a caprice for him to surrender before me.........and be mine forever.it was more of a wish to conquer, to takeover.the more i saw him the more intense the feeling became.i didn't know what this feeling had to be termed as.I was always afraid of commitment because i thought of love as a restriction to freedom of the soul.but this one person changed everything for me .The soul which could not be tamed ever wanted to be tamed by that one person.FOR THE FIRST TIME i wanted somebody to possess me,i wanted that one soul to infuse to mine whatever be the consequences.i used to watch him for hours but i never went near him,never talked to him.and He........never even noticed me.yet i could feel a strange connection between us.sometimes i thought of approaching him and talking to him,but no...... something always held me back from approaching him.i would have had pleasure even to put shackles around myself if i could have him standing by my side always.but no , destiny had some other plans.one day he came upto me out of the blues and started with a conversation.that moment for me was the most exalting moment of my entire life.but still no excitement i let reflected in my behavior . for him it was like talking to a stranger but for me it was as if i had always known him..after that day we started talking and soon we became good friends......but who knewth then that he will introduce me to his girlfriend in the coming few days.he could not ....become mine .........but i could not help but being his forever............
i dont say i loved him bacause the definition of love doesnot match my feelings for him.love is selfless,pure and NEVER CONCIETED.but my feelings for him arose from his concieted nature..................but if it was not love , why i was ready to compromise with the one thing i valued the mostTHE FREEDOM OF MY SOUL....................................
WHAT SHOULD I CALL IT???????????