It was fifth semester. Final exams were commencing , when i lost my machines notebook.It didn't matter much because notebooks can always be photostatted.However i was feeling a bit upset because for the first time in my college life i had made proper notes. i I searched every here and there,but it was gone.Still it was anyways alright.But a bigger shock came my way after two three days when i found my personal diary missing.Noooooooooo! i was freaked out.One definitely cant afford to lose ones personal diary.i was getting phrenetic with the thought that somebody might have read it.Gosh!where could it be.Albeit,i had not written any crap and stuff in it,yet how could i entertain my personal space becoming public.now there was no other option than to forget it and believe that i would anyhow find it.Then this semester ,hardly it had been seven to eight days and i lost my controls notebook.I had to rewrite everything.Suddenly i became so skeptical that i started locking my room ,this was an act seriously different than me because i was really casual about these things and never locked my room or my almirah .Just eight to nine days followed and i lost my another important notes.This time i was really astonished.I absolutely remembered that i had placed them in the table drawer while sleeping,and in the morning i found them missing!I was really perturbed by this series of happenings.and next what happened?......today i was sitting on my table and found my rough notebook missing .now who the hell could be interested in it!hahaha!!!!noone...
I just happened to pull the drawer out of the table and found that my drawer had a certain empty place in it beneath it and the stuff used to fall in it somehow.
good god!i got my personal diary back..i m over exalted to get it :-)
one can interpret the incident in any way .one may think of me as totally khajal as in our engineering language we call it.but i have a different interpretation of it.
each incident in our life however small teaches us something worth as this one has made me believe that sometimes u have to wait but finally u will get whatever you are after.because if you want something from the core of your heart the whole universe conspires to make it yours.faith can drive you to even the impossible destinations.faith is a greater thing than the greatest.SO HAVE FAITH AND MOVE ON....
Thursday, February 18, 2010
FEAR , a perplexing term it is.Imagine a world without FEAR!how it will be like?
Fear can take to you to highs and can help you realize your aspirations. but contrary to that it can lead to dire consequences as well or may be towards suffering and agony.
Most of us inherit some fears and carry them along with us through our entire life.The fear of dark,the fear of failure,the fear of falling,the fear of losing.From the very beginning some fears are inculcated in us and we choose to live with those fears.Hardly any individual dares to follow a path of his own different from the conventional approved one.
So much depends on anticipation.I say why entertain fear in our life.Even if i achieve my set objectives with fear serving as the bedrock to these objectives,whats the use.These objectives were also influenced by the fears that always persisted in my mind,the fear of not being able to be a part of norms of society,fear of not being able to catch up the pace of the fast and competition ridden world ,the fear of not being able to get recognition and being laid back.So ultimately whats the use.I will still be unsatisfied from somewhere within and something in me will still tell me to break the chains and go without any fear ,any bondage. Fear is a boundary dictating our life.why do we need to be the parasites of visions of some dogmatists.why not just go beyond every boundary,be audacious and dare to walk on the road where destiny is not predefined,forget the fears and take the road which has been less traveled by.Make your own vision as you go. After all every established belief in this world is nothing but a dogma.So how can we define certain acts as breach to moral grounds.These moral grounds are also nothing but dogmatism. Audacity,courage,fear,scruples,qualms why not go beyond these things and discover the undefined paths inspite of taking the already discovered ones.
For me the path without fear will definitely be more adventurous and less seething than the one with fears everywhere in the air.Because i concede to the statement that fear is no less than a DISease which hampers you from going on higher levels of growth.
Friday, February 5, 2010
On the very first sight of him,something in him just caught my sight........
i could not take my eyes off him.He had a very ordinary face ....not that smart,one of those walking in a crowd.I don't know which element of him appealed me so much.suddenly he turned and his eyes met mine.....my reflex action was so fast, i turned at once as if i had never even looked at him.WHAT WAS IT I WAS BEING ATTRACTED TO.......................i didn't know.i watched him walking and it struck me.The manner he walked ,with his head held high always,the conceit in his manner,THE PRIDEFUL MANNER . i could not help but thinking about him...the feeling was definitely not love or infatuation......because love as it is said love is never boastful or conceited,
it is never rude or selfish,
it does not take offence, nor is it resentful.
Love takes no pleasure in others’ sins but delights in the truth;
it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes.
Love does not come to an end.
There are three things that last, faith, hope and love
and the greatest of these is love.
but the feeling i experienced was a sudden caprice rising , a caprice for him to surrender before me.........and be mine forever.it was more of a wish to conquer, to takeover.the more i saw him the more intense the feeling became.i didn't know what this feeling had to be termed as.I was always afraid of commitment because i thought of love as a restriction to freedom of the soul.but this one person changed everything for me .The soul which could not be tamed ever wanted to be tamed by that one person.FOR THE FIRST TIME i wanted somebody to possess me,i wanted that one soul to infuse to mine whatever be the consequences.i used to watch him for hours but i never went near him,never talked to him.and He........never even noticed me.yet i could feel a strange connection between us.sometimes i thought of approaching him and talking to him,but no...... something always held me back from approaching him.i would have had pleasure even to put shackles around myself if i could have him standing by my side always.but no , destiny had some other plans.one day he came upto me out of the blues and started with a conversation.that moment for me was the most exalting moment of my entire life.but still no excitement i let reflected in my behavior . for him it was like talking to a stranger but for me it was as if i had always known him..after that day we started talking and soon we became good friends......but who knewth then that he will introduce me to his girlfriend in the coming few days.he could not ....become mine .........but i could not help but being his forever............
i dont say i loved him bacause the definition of love doesnot match my feelings for him.love is selfless,pure and NEVER CONCIETED.but my feelings for him arose from his concieted nature..................but if it was not love , why i was ready to compromise with the one thing i valued the mostTHE FREEDOM OF MY SOUL....................................
WHAT SHOULD I CALL IT???????????