Friday, November 23, 2012


I was reading another Novel of Paulo Caelho - "The Zahir". I can relate to his writings so much; but today while reading i was trying to catch my own thoughts as i was reading. Yes there are a few points when my mind stops understanding and relating, but i do not find myself able to identify what is it that i believe if i do not take what i am reading.
Sometimes as if i get caught in my own thoughts and as much i want to simplify the things for myself i actually end up complicating them. There are so many confusions rather should i say i find myself in a constant state of confusion.
 To put forward an example of this confusion let me explain by taking the subject of love say.
 I often dream about being with the right person who would probly change my life and our love will be nothing less than what they call platonic love. Somewhere i  feel i can't settle for anything less than that. But if you ask me what do u mean by "the right person" or "platonic love" i have no clue.
Even i have known myself thinking several times about the futility of love and about whether there ever can be a thing like love.
And even some other times I have seen myself as simply believing in flirting with no strings attached.
 I have thought at times that love is a mere illusion and not quite a reality
 I have thought of it as the most selfish thing on earth which everybody tags as selfless.

Yes we do say "luv u" to so many people around us , to friends, to our family. Even i do. But i have even known myself thinking over it as to what do i actually mean when i say "luv u" to these people. I have wondered sometimes  why is it that i am saying these words when i dont even know what it is to love!! And yet sometimes just because these are the appropriate words to say, or may be to reciprocate, or may be that is what comes to my mind at that particular moment. But honestly i do not still understand what is it that is called love. But since i know i have been programmed to act like this, to say the appropriate words at the appropriate moment, to show particular emotions at particular time, so i act in that programmed manner all the time without faltering.

I find myself standing in the mid of a desert where all directions are looking similar and i dont know which one is to be taken. I pretend as if i know, as if i know more than everyone, but i know that I am lost, terribly lost. I have no clue about anything. My heart believes in signs, in destiny, My heart has faith but my mind constantly questions it of its chosen course and of the meaning of faith. I have no clue of what is right, and what is wrong. It is as if my mind has got formatted or the years of loading  from different sources has corrupted it. I have no concrete answer to anything and my mind is full of questions. There is a constant fracas between mind and heart. But i dont know what is it about the heart that still manages to convince the mind to wait. To wait and watch till it can see the faith speak for itself. ................................

1 comment:

  1. Megharana,

    What is love? This is not a simple question as so many have tried to define it in many ways, even poetry, but it can not be understood by words. It can be understood when one experiences it. Love is of many hues, Parental love, Love for parents, Siblings love, Friends love but we normally think of love as that between two unrelated persons, usually of opposite gender. Again definition of right person also varies from person to person. In short a person whom your heart and mind feel is good for you is the right person. Platonic love is usually between two without any thoughts of physicality but only being there for each other for helping.

    Take care