crib crib crib!!

Caution:  Plz do not dare to read if u can’t tolerate useless and senseless cribbing because its nothing more than that.  The things written over here can be stupid to extremities. Everything is utter and sheer bakwas (although it does not seem like bakwas to me!) 

Actually I had been watching roadies audition. And after I saw that fame crazy girl’s audition somethings are going on at the back f my mind. Yes I am half crazy and never satisfied yet trying to figure out what it is that I want to do. Talent? Do I have any? Hardly !! so becomes more difficult to figure out what do I want from my life!! When u lack a single talent  how to decide which way is your way. Fantasizing is so easy which I most of the times do!! But how to get started in reality? And after I have been scrutinizing my thought process, I feel so similar to this girl who just wants fame from whatever source it may come!!  In my case I think I want tremendous success in whatever field it may be!! But the problem starts wid dis “ whatever the field may be phrase”. Sometimes I just feel similar to Hritik roshan in lakshya but eventually even he found out his lakshya but I feel stuck!!  Now obviously if I am doing engineering  it should be my career path but god!!  Actually I don’t even know the E of it. I am just hundreds of those fake ones ( I know am not alone complaining about being a fake engineer at least here I will have cmpny :P) . now when I think about it I don’t know whether I have preassumed that I cant be any good technically because honestly I have never put any serious and sincere effort. I am so stupid !! how can I expect things to automatically fall in place without trying a bit for it? Do I expect to create miracles wid these last night fights? Den nobody can be more stupid than me. Ofcourse nobody was born technical !! but I don’t even try!  Chalo engineering to fir ho gai but now wat after it? I mean u know its gonno be totally a new start because now after 4 years of electrical engineering I will be joining a software cmpny. So I am getting altogether more confused. Should I keep reading  or may be start reading I should say and attempt to get into my field or stick to software only. And I don’t even know why I have to think so much even!! Afterall preplanning never works:P  but now after this I don’t want to do something just for the sake of doing it. I want to do it with complete devotion and how can we be devoted to a field  which we are not good at! And I am having hard time thinking what it is dat I am good at because dere is actually nothing. Am a good for nothing kind of person( L ). How do we decide that what interests us? Should  u already be  good at things that interest u? is it possible that a person is actually such a moron like me :P Am still confused what should I prepare for may be CAT, may be IES, may be IAS, may be GRE, or may be GMAT. Bt den again how I do I blindly jump into anything. I think my bloody mind makes me surrender already by walking through the road of obstructions  and diversions. Do I have the habit of underestimating myself and becoming an obstruction in my own path!  I am thinking too much!!! K whatever m getting more serious here so let me cm back to the present. Why do I have to give a damn about wat is gonno be. talking is no solution afterall!  And u know I Tell you once upon a timei had wanted to be a doctor! Only if I had taken medical in 12^th.  The fantasies of that time have still not died completely!! At one time I had wanted to go into fashion designing even jewelry designing and even furniture designing was not spared. I think I am obsessed with this designing word!! and that too when I don’t have the iota of creativity in my brain cells not  0.00000000001% not even the habit of observing n not even the slightest knowledge of these fields beyond the name. God then even these things seem fascinating. How simple is it to live in the world of thoughts created as per your convenience. When  will I figure out a way!! What is on the cards next???!! I know I am too much to take and my bakwaas is just of another world however I have avoided talking to that extent here!!Completely useless and indecisive and confused and insecure and conceited!! Hmm I know that the thought of success  cant be an inspiration enough to get to ur destinyyyyy!! Yes destiny is another word I am obsessed about! Will tell u about it some other time. God!! I just want to take a leap and watch off everything that’s there to come. Its torturous wat I am feeling right now.. bye will take leave of my talking to self now but  tell me one thing can curiosity be a reason enough to think of getting into it may be when you are not sure whether u will turn out good at it or even be able to get through it or may be you are unsure of whther ur curiosity is that big that it will help you all through or ur interst may die after a short while only!! “god!!whatever job I take up now I want to be just exceptionally brilliant at it otherwise it wont serve any purpose for me. But how to get that exceptionally brilliant status when I am afraid of being even good at any damn thing. Start counting and then u will know I am good for nothing!! Now god  you might be hating me for dis ungratefulness but I cant help it!

P.S : There is a request that plz don’t judge me by above said words!! Because I don’t like being judged on such things :P and actually I am really unsure about these thoughts.  And the people who know me are going to give me a lecture for certain things but the good part is dey don’t come here  nyways have a nice time. Bbyee :)