Morning Musings

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As it is, We humans have come a long way from being cave men to the digital media men. We started 3.5 million years ago not much different from the chimpanzees and monkeys called as Homo Habilis at the time and reached the modern species of Homo Sapiens Sapiens which evidently rules the earth. As we progressed in the matters of mind and technology, we scored comfort and luxury in every waking aspect of life. We became rulers and technology became the slave at our disposal. There isn’t an iota of doubt that we have progressed immensely; we have gained immensely, but for all we have gained, have we lost something? I know that the answer to this question can nothing be short of a multi pronged divergent analysis and each prong would again lead to multifarious aspects never really converging at one point. But my intention of writing this article here is not really to go to into all that detailed analysis. It is rather to share a very simple thought that occurred to me after I was just done with my morning yoga practice. With my breath calmed and soothed, I was staring into the surrounding woods before getting up from the mat to start the day. It is when this feeling of having lost the sense of awe crept into my mind. For all we have gained, have we lost some? Pardon me if your feeling doesn’t resonate with mine but this is what I felt in that moment of morning silence. Looking at the swaying leaves, my imagination transported me into a world when evolution was still at the earliest stages. I wondered about the joy and veneration it must have brought upon man to feel the breeze on a hot sunny day. How he must have rejoiced to see the gentle sway of leaves and petals. How grateful he would have felt to discover a tiny brook and how he would have saved it from getting dirty for the primitive man however resourceful was short of readymade resources. When he discovered fire, wouldn’t his reaction had been of awe, veneration and fear combined.  That is probably why ancient men practiced animism. Today we our educated minds dispel animism as superstition but wasn’t this superstition a sign of sensitivity, watchfulness and intuitiveness. The respect and veneration to the objects of nature must have been inspired out of a sense of awe and wonder man must have felt having discovered the bounties of nature for the first time. Today everything seems so obvious that we have lost our ability to be awed at things. We have lost our finer sensitivities to the surprises and wonders of nature. Who cares about gratefulness to the trees when fans and ACs have become integral? We, Homo Sapiens Sapiens, have become the species for whom everything material or living has just become a thing of use. We are an entitled species who use and abuse every resource of nature without caring in the slightest while destructing the very nature that our selfish gene feels entitled to. Things are just things for us; no sense of awe or wonder attached, no veneration to the nature on whose loving arms are we thriving. We have lost our finer sensitivities to boredom, monotony and mundane. We as a species have become so utterly selfish that we would terminate species after species just to make space for our own proliferation. Let alone nature or other species, we as a species do not spare the kin of our own. Has all the progress led us to being more cold and thankless? Have we been losing our capability to feel awe and veneration to the nature that serves us?

I am going to end this article with a question mark and let all of you readers come up with your own answers for yourself. As for me, I can’t deny having lost some of it or may be most of it. For those of you who’re thinking, what purpose does it even serve to be all talk and no action and I won’t disagree with you. This article doesn’t make me any better than the selfish gene that’s proliferating at a fast pace. It is just what I felt like writing and did nonetheless.  

*Fading Red of the Bridal Dress*

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So here is what I am wondering about these days: What is it about turning thirty that completely freaks out a single woman [Well majority of them atleast]? However, before jumping into a sea of hazy contemplation [or read as a disgruntled rant], I need to give a brief detail about myself. So; I am a twenty nine year old woman on the verge of being thirty [Or well! may be just a woman who has been ageing for 29 years but whose body stopped the process of growing in size at what? Seventeen may be! (fortunately or unfortunately)]. My facial skin, though, was not as lazy as my stunted body [And hey! Please do not judge me too hard. My tiny frame did manage to stretch up to four feet and dragged itself up to eleven more inches]. Coming back to my facial skin; it has been through that dark phase when zits were stubborn to sit all over my cheeks leaving no space for my skin to breathe. One fine day, clouds started to lift and the dark phase was over. But the scars remained. All in all, I am not a hot looking chick, but I just get by. May be you’ve already started wondering if I have got some brains as well  inside my stunted body; then well, let me tell you I have got a teeny-weeny bit which enables me to earn a decent living on my own and be financially independent. So again, I am not an intellectual catch, but I just get by. The crux of the whole story is that I am an average woman; average looks [Though my height and frame is less than average and haven’t I been judged for that? Hell Yeah!], average intelligence, average nature, average charisma, average earning and add some more averages from your side in this list of averages. I live in a very small town which does not show up in the auto drop down list in most of the online form filling sites. Ahem! I suppose in my attempt to give brief details about myself, I have derailed a little too much. So let me get back to the subject of my contemplation mentioned in the very beginning. Why turning thirty and being single is such a huge deal? Is it just a society thing and the peer pressure of getting married at the right age and right time?

Is getting married at the right time more important than getting married to the right man? Or are we [Read the clan of single women touching thirty] actually deluded in our concept of what we call as the ‘right man’? What is it about ‘thirty’ that puts us all on our toes and a long ongoing search of the ‘right man’, the ‘true love of our lives’ almost comes to a sudden halt as if we are being jolted out of our senses by the emergency brake hit right on time by the super dictator analytical brain to save us the damage of being forlorn and alone? Were we deluded before or do we get deluded just near that milestone of thirty? It is like until reaching thirty we had been in an expedition to find a lake of soul mate love, a natural one, just out there waiting for us to take a dip; on hitting thirty, however, we start opening up to the new option of rather creating an artificial one. There is a gradual acceptance to building dams to harness love against the walls of resistance to loneliness and insecurity.   

   

Why is it that a single woman at twenty nine years, eleven months and thirty days is still an alright kind of marriage material and yet things change in a single day? Is there an invisible expiry date imprinted on us that renders us not as good for nuptial ties [or is it nuptial consummation] after we hit thirty? And if this is not the case, why is there so much pressure about marrying by the age of thirty? There is pressure of family, relatives, society and all sorts but the real pressure is when we start feeling it too.  This is just how our mental conditioning is. We want to be with Mr. right and at the same time we don’t want to risk being alone waiting for Mr. right when [for god sake] that Mr. right has not shown up in thirty long years. Even though social pressure is there, the fact is we become insecure as well. There is insecurity of being left out alone in the world while all your friends are busy having pompous weddings, elaborate pre-wedding and post-wedding photo shoots, crowding their facebook and insta walls with wonderful honeymoon destinations, procreating and kicking out babies. Also, there is insecurity of decent men already having been taken or being taken as we are waiting for some in comprehendible definition of ‘right man’ to fructify into an actual physical creation. Surely, this insecurity then becomes a contributing factor in our decision to take a blind plunge into the sea of matrimony hoping to keep afloat on the live jacket of adjustment and compromise. They say life is a gamble. Perhaps the adage would be truer in context of arranged marriages.

Why is marriage so important to validate our existence? Why can’t we live peacefully without getting fanatic about this marriage stuff? Why is there so much hysteria surrounding this one subject? It is strange that a single woman’s achievements seem all pale to the society in comparison to a married one [ true for the average achievers at least if not the ones on top notch] We can be average and still choose to be single; or can’t we [ without inviting some derogatory or demeaning glances sending our fragile average self esteem down the drain]? If an average woman is approaching thirty, the gates of matrimony start shrinking to accommodate her less and lesser each day despite her willingness to go past someday. Yet she’s not spared the verbatims people have been using since ages to enquire about single womens’ future wedding plans and even though she’s mortified at such queries, the average single woman doesn’t mutter a word about her dashed hopes. She keeps fighting a vicious circle of hope and hopelessness in the battlefield of her mind. An average single woman approaching thirty is no less than a warrior.

A single woman turning thirty is not a shiny glossy building but it is definitely the kind of building which has survived many storms and bad seasons. She is strong willed and special despite all the averages she has got in her person. There are multitude of factors which might have led her to be still single but there is no reason she should be out casted as a specter just because she does not have that one tag of married on her advantage. She becomes upset and depressed sometimes; but she knows how to pick herself up. She knows that the red color of her much awaited bridal dress is leaking out of the corners of her mind, becoming faint each day, but she knows one day will be her day and she is strong enough to wait for that day.

To all the women who are single and approaching thirty, cheers and a thumbs up!  

Jokers in the Circus! Voela! ;)

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Many a times when things do not seem to be working as you wish them to; when an angry voice inside you instigates hate and revulsion burning the inner matrix of your being; when you are motivated rather by a powerful malice towards situations which also gets manifested on people around you; when passion cripples all that is good in you and dances around in your head asking why every single time and why every single time me? ...

Just then pause...

Ney! Reflections or sermons become so blurry at such times when you are motivated by raw passions...

Then what?

Try sattire. Yes, just look at the situation as if you're looking at a circus and all the people involved including you are but just some odd jokers playing their part. Be creative and just have a good laugh at the devil who thinks this is all really crucial. No it is not. And it surely is not going to kill you as the devil proclaims it to...

Eh! Just a circus. Smirk, shrug, enjoy the show while you still have the costume of joker on...

And then smile and just move on...

Someday later, you might be able to even laugh at what seemed to put you off completely...

*Discovering Self Love*

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Embracing our box of choices is the first step to a groundbreaking love because love starts from accepting and loving ourselves. That being said this one sentence can take a lifetime of work. And it’s OK.

We should not be deterred with the overwhelming and demanding work associated with our discovery of self love. Things worth having solicit us to work and work incessantly. Understanding self love in the right way is crucial because most of the times we confuse it with the defensive love for ego rather than recognizing it as a gentle forgiving love for the ever present soul which gets buried under the layers of ego. When they say love yourself, it doesn’t mean love the shallow trivialities which are but not you; it rather means love that deep and fathomless part of you which knows the distinction between your ego-self and your soul-self.

Love your wounds and love your scars not because you are proud of making mistakes and falling over and over again, but because you are aware even in your falls that you will rise again, because this love will go into your wounds and scars and it will heal you.

Accept yourself not because you don’t know any better, but because you understand that you are trying; understanding and accepting, precedes the change that you will ultimately be able to witness however long it might take.

Be patient with yourself when you see yourself getting trapped in old patterns again and again, not because reality checks should be ignored, but because you can relentlessly keep to the chase by trying unendingly.

Tell yourself that you are beautiful, not because you want to balm your vanity, but because you have to be as tender to yourself as a loving mother to her child who never fails to see the beauty in him/her.

Give yourself time and don’t compare your life with that of the others. They are going on their unique life path and you are going on yours. There are endless stars in the universe, some start shining when others are about to die. We are all on our specially curated paths which are designed exclusively for each individual. The events of ones life may not make sense in someone else’s and that should never be a reason to doubt or castigate ourselves. Half of the misery in life arises only because of comparison when in reality we are not meant to be compared. We all shine in our own time and we shouldn’t worry too much even if that takes more than a lifetime. Divine promises are never broken and if we are lost, lord will lead us to the way where we shall find ourselves shining in our inner light.

Believe in your gut and listen to your calling. Be faithful to that tiny little voice inside you that manages to find its way to you despite all the noise of negativity springing forth from fear, comparison, vanity and conceit. Pray and don’t let this voice die. This is what shall lead you to the path of self-discovery. We never invent self because we just have to discover it which is hidden beneath the many layers of stubborn dirt accumulated on it.

If you think your life is harder than others, don’t get bitter. Strength of character can’t be forged if we just keep reveling in spring, it requires sweltering heat. It is just the kind of grilling you need to evolve and shine. So don’t get attached to your sorrows and miseries. Just feel those to transform those and you shall come out better and brighter.

Teach yourself each passing day that life has no set rules or formulas.  Two plus two is four and one plus three is four as well. When you find your life not going according to established norms of society, tell yourself to never lose heart. Always walk with your head held high, even when the world looks at you as a misfit. Never forget theirs is not the only way and nor is yours. We are walking on the different paths but in the end we shall arrive at the same place. So, keep going no matter what.

Everyday get up in the morning and feel a wave of self surging from your bosom all the way up to your mind and reaching your entire body. When you will learn to love yourself with such conviction, all fears will dissolve and the doors to divine love will open.

Never ignore the importance of self love. It is not a selfish thing; it is rather something that will deliver you from selfishness. It will lead you to divine in yourself and burn all the invisible bridges you have built around yourself.

"Love yourself."

Who Are You?

You are an evolution of billions of years

interspersed into

an abstruse network of nerves and fibres

carrying the cosmic current of love

in your arteries and veins which contain

red colored ocean flowing beneath the crust of your skin composed of a magical plethora of millions of cells

each of which is a tiny universe in itself.

You are not just a walking and talking piece of flesh made to appease, oblige, submit, bend, stoop or bow down.

You are majestic with the power of multiple universes resting in your cells which are composed of heavenly magic.

You are a living miracle.

You are a masterpiece.

You are the magic.

You are love.

The absolute power

which binds the universes.

©megha

  

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A Letter to Me from Myself

Dear me,

To start with, I want to tell you that I love you. You've got to believe me. Believe me like the earth believes the sun; a belief that every single day without exception, it will be showered in the loving light bestowed on it by the rising sun.

I know the testing times you go through. I know the lack of love you sometimes feel. I know the hollow that creeps into you sometimes. But let me tell you that you're never alone. I am with you at all times till eternity. I am you and you are me and we are both love. I want you to remember this. I reside in the deepest corner of your heart where there is an inexhaustible fountain of love and from this fountain you can always drink.

I want you to know that I believe in you and I've reasons to believe in you. I've seen the demons lurking in around you, trying to lure you in and I've also seen the good fight you have always put up. I've seen you fall in your weaknesses and I've also seen you rise up again with all your strength. I've seen you losing your head, committing felonies and I've also seen you redeem yourself and choose the course of righteousness. I've seen your scars and I've seen the stardust glow on the surface of those scars. I believe in your heart and I expect the best out of it; because I know it to be capable of its loving best.

I want to let you know that I find you beautiful. I know you get bothered by the ratios and proportions sometimes. I know you feel insufficient sometimes. I know there are some days you feel terrible waking upto those devilish pimples. I know you struggle with self esteem on some days. But I want you to know that you are beautiful inspite and despite. Every inch and every ounce of you is beautiful. Your beauty lies in being you. There are no absolutes of beauty. You are beautiful in your strive and in your struggle, in your defeats and in your victories, in your chaos and in your symmetries. You are beautiful in your own unique mess.

Lastly, I thank you for being you and I thank you for being me. I thank God for our inseparable loving relationship. You are the light and I am your reflection. I am you and you are me and we are both love. I love you.

Yours,

Myself

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Adios 2017! Welcome 2018!

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Life is a long journey and each year is a milestone. So, we are almost past the milestone of 2017 and just about to hit the milestone of 2018. As we are ready to set foot into 2018, there are things I want to remember in 2018. I really want to mug up the list so I won’t keep forgetting and here goes the list:

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Give a little more credit to myself:
I have a problem of not giving myself credit enough for anything I ever do. To confess the problem is the first step towards fixing it. So yes, I have to agree that I need a little more of self worth and self appreciation. Whatever I do is always lesser for me than what someone else does (even if it's the very same thing or may be even actually lesser). So yes, I've got to change my scales. We all have seen that poster of a cat seeing itself as a lion in the mirror. My reasoning faculties have always contested that what good does it do to lose the sense of realism and seeing yourself as more than you actually are. But this year I make this conscious decision to be that very cat. After all, it is about believing that you are more than you appear to be; it is about believing in yourself. And come on, the world will not fall apart if I give myself a little more credit and a little more appreciation. If not me, who will?   

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Stop blasting and start pouring:
I have a problem that I have a lot of aggression in me and I don't even know where it comes from. I have fire inside of me. It’s a tendency I have no control over. I get hysteric sometimes when things do not seem to be working and I lose all the calm and poise. And even when I am not hyper or rude or aggressive, sometimes people mistake me for being so. Sigh! I need some voice modulation! Sometimes, my intentions are like so benign but my tone of voice will not leave its headiness. I feel so envious of people who can make the bitter lashes sound like honey laces. I am just the opposite. I can make the pleasantries sound like harsh and corrosive. So this is what I have to work on. And this is one hell of a job for me to stop blasting and start pouring.

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Knowing when to stop:
I am blind to fine lines. The fine line of respecting others's opinions and taking them as a sacrosanct gospel, the fine line of readjusting my priorities for someone and toppling the entire list upside down, the fine line of  the desire to maintain cordiality in relations and forgetting my own dignity in the desire to do so, the fine line of believing and foolhardy worshiping. I even forget the fine line of me being me and someone else being someone else. I mean I am not a magician who can fix things for people. I can try to help but I cannot heal on someone else's behalf for them. It’s not my job to work on someone else. My job is to work on myself. I have learnt and I am learning and I will keep mastering the lesson of knowing when to stop in the incoming year.

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Doing what I like and keeping it simple:
I have a hidden flare for making things sound more complicated than they really are. We all have heard of this I guess "log kya sochenge ye bhi tum hi sochoge to log kya sochenge?" And I am so one of those people who thinks on everyone's behalf. Why should I concern myself with all that burden of what he/she/they/you think about me or my life or my choices or my idiocies or my whatever? More than 90% of times we are not even a subject of people's thoughts while we are making ourselves the villains/clowns of their minds. And here people like me ask ourselves a hundred questions even before posting our thoughts online. So, the mantra has to change with the changing year. Keep it simple and do what I like to do.

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And lastly,

No Judging of my own-self and being kind to myself:
I cannot say it better than Marianne Williamson has said it already. And here is what she says,

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?'

Actually, who are you not to be? 

You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. 

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

We should never let our skewed judgments stop us from doing what we want to do. And this is what I want to remember in the coming year. The quote by Marianne Williamson that I shared above was shared by a college senior (whom I never knew personally) on a bulk mail years back saved long in my inbox and here is the beauty of it all: I don't know how big or small the impact may be. But the words do make an impact. I don't know how many of the people in that bulk list read the mail, I don't know how many thought it through and I don't know how many drew inspiration from it. But here I am who still remembers this quote and finds it a beautiful piece of inspiration. So, if I am not getting a lot many likes/comments/reposts on my written word, it doesn't matter. What matters is may be someone out there has drawn some inspiration from my words, and even if it is just one, it counts as the real impact. And this holds true not only for words but for every other material and immaterial contribution as well. 

So, the coming year shall be about less judgment and more kindness.