Reflections!

I was reading another Novel of Paulo Caelho - "The Zahir". I can relate to his writings so much; but today while reading i was trying to catch my own thoughts as i was reading. Yes there are a few points when my mind stops understanding and relating, but i do not find myself able to identify what is it that i believe if i do not take what i am reading.
Sometimes as if i get caught in my own thoughts and as much i want to simplify the things for myself i actually end up complicating them. There are so many confusions rather should i say i find myself in a constant state of confusion.
 To put forward an example of this confusion let me explain by taking the subject of love say.
 I often dream about being with the right person who would probly change my life and our love will be nothing less than what they call platonic love. Somewhere i  feel i can't settle for anything less than that. But if you ask me what do u mean by "the right person" or "platonic love" i have no clue.
Even i have known myself thinking several times about the futility of love and about whether there ever can be a thing like love.
And even some other times I have seen myself as simply believing in flirting with no strings attached.
 I have thought at times that love is a mere illusion and not quite a reality
 I have thought of it as the most selfish thing on earth which everybody tags as selfless.

Yes we do say "luv u" to so many people around us , to friends, to our family. Even i do. But i have even known myself thinking over it as to what do i actually mean when i say "luv u" to these people. I have wondered sometimes  why is it that i am saying these words when i dont even know what it is to love!! And yet sometimes just because these are the appropriate words to say, or may be to reciprocate, or may be that is what comes to my mind at that particular moment. But honestly i do not still understand what is it that is called love. But since i know i have been programmed to act like this, to say the appropriate words at the appropriate moment, to show particular emotions at particular time, so i act in that programmed manner all the time without faltering.

I find myself standing in the mid of a desert where all directions are looking similar and i dont know which one is to be taken. I pretend as if i know, as if i know more than everyone, but i know that I am lost, terribly lost. I have no clue about anything. My heart believes in signs, in destiny, My heart has faith but my mind constantly questions it of its chosen course and of the meaning of faith. I have no clue of what is right, and what is wrong. It is as if my mind has got formatted or the years of loading  from different sources has corrupted it. I have no concrete answer to anything and my mind is full of questions. There is a constant fracas between mind and heart. But i dont know what is it about the heart that still manages to convince the mind to wait. To wait and watch till it can see the faith speak for itself. ................................
 

sayings from The Warrior of light

                                 
Recently I read Paulo Coelho's MANUAL OF THE WARRIOR OF LIGHT. I liked it too much. I could relate to the words so much and somehow it felt like these are the words i needed at the moment. I am sharing a few of them here:

• The Warrior knows that he is free to choose his desires, and he makes these decisions with courage, detachment, and sometimes- with a touch of madness.
•  He opens his heart to the universe and asks god to give him the inspiration he needs to turn every blow from his enemy into a lesson in self defence.
• A warrior of light knows what he wants. And he has no need to waste time on explanations.
• A warrior of light knows certain moments repeat themselves. He often finds himself faced by the same problems and situations, and seeing these difficult situations return , he grows depressed, thinking that he is incapable of making any progress in life."I have been through all this before", he says to his heart. "Yes, you have been through all this before", replies his heart,"but you have not been beyond it". Then the warrior realises that these repeated experiences have but one aim : to teach him what he does not want to learn.
• When the warrior of light feels that the moment has arrived, he drops everything and goes off on some long-dreamed-of adventure. When he realises that he can do no more, he abandons the fight, but never blames himself for having committed a few unexpected acts of folly.He does not spend his days trying to play the role others have chosen for him.
• The warriors of light have a certain gleem in their eyes. They are of this world, they are part of the lives of other people and they set out on their journey with no saddlebags and no sandals. They are often cowardly. They do not always make the right decisions. They suffer over the most trivial things, they have mean thoughts and sometimes they are incapable of growing. They frequently deem themselves unworthy of any blessing or miracle. They are not quite sure what they are doing here. They spend many sleepless nights believing that their lives have no meaning. That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they ask themselves questions. Because they are looking for a reason- and are sure to find it.
• Although i have been through all that i have, i do not regret the many hardships i met, because it was they who brought me to the place i wished to reach. Now all i have is this sword and i give it to whomever wishes to continue this pilgrimage. I carry with me the marks and scars of battles- they are the witnesses of what i sufferred and the rewards of what i conquered.
• On some nights, he has nowhere to sleep, on others, he suffers from insomnia. That's just how it is, thinks the warrior."I was the one who chose to walk this path." In these words lies all his powers: He chose the path along which he is walking and so has no complaints.
• In order to have faith in his own path, he does not need to prove that someone else's path is wrong.
• He tries to establish what he can truly rely on. And he always checks that he carries three things with him: Faith, Hope, And love.
• The warrior of light knows that no one is stupid and that life teaches evryone- however long that may take.
• While he meditates, the warrior is not himself, but a spark from the soul of the world. These are the moments that give him an understanding of his responsibilities and of how he should behave accordingly. A warrior of light knows that in the silence of his heart he will hear an order that will guide him.
• When a warrior of light is the victim of some injustice, he usually tries to be alone, in order not to show his pain to others.
• He has learnt from the archer that, in order to shoot his arrow any distance, he must hold the bow taut. He has learned from the stars that only an inner explosion allows them to shine. The warrior notices that when a horse is about to jump over a fence, it tenses all its muscles.
• The warriors of light sometimes behaves like water, flowing around the obstacles he encounters. Therein lies the strength of water: it cannot be shattered by a hammer or wounded by a knife,The strangest sword in the world can not scar its surface. The waters of a river adapt themselves to whatever route proves possible, but the river nevr forgets its one objective: the sea. So fragile at its source, it gathers the strength of other rivers it encounters.And after a certain point, its power is absolute.
• The warrior of light does not always have the faith. There are moments when he believes in absolutely nothing, and he asks his heart: "is all this effort worth it?" But his heart remains silent. And the warrior has to decide for himself. Then he looks for an example. And he remembers that Jesus went through something similar in order fully to inhabit the human condition."Take away this cup from me", said Jesus. He too lost heart and courage, but he did not stop. The warrior continues despite his lack of faith. He goes forward and in the end, Faith returns.
• When he makes that decision, he hears four comments: 'You always do the wrong thing. You are too old to change. You are no good. You dont deserve it." he looks up at the sky. ANd a voice says: "My dear,everybody makes mistakes. You are forgiven, but i can not force that forgiveness on you. Its your choice" The true warrior accepts that forgiveness.
• One day, for no apparent reasons, the warrior realises that he does not feel the same enthusiasm for the light that he used to. At such time he has only one choice : to continue fighting the good fight. He says his prayers out of duty or fear or whatever, but he does not abandon the path. He perseveres and believes the angel would soon return and the merest flutter of his wings will soon restore the warriors joy to him.
• When the master sees that the warrior is depressed he says: "you are not what you seem to be in these moments of sadness. You are better than that." Many have left - for reasons we will never understand- but you are still here. Why did god carry off all those amazing people and leave you?" "By now, millions of people will have given up. They dont get angry, They dont weep, They dont do anything, They merely wait for time to pass, They have lost the ability to react. You, however, are sad, That proves that your soul is still alive"
• The warrior of light goes to his sacred place and puts on the indestrucible cloak of faith. Faith parries all blows. Faith transforms poison into crystal clear water.
• A warrior knows that an angel and a devil are both competing for his sword hand. The devil says:"You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid" The angel says: "You will weaken. You will not know exactly when. You are afraid." The warrior is surprised. Both said the same thing. Then the devil says"let me help you" And the angel says,"I will hel you" At that moment the warrior understands the difference. The Words may be the same, but these two are completely different. And he choses the angel's hand.